Beyonce and Keri Hilson Discuss Talent

 

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Deleted Precious Screen Shot

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Well, I’m glad they cut this out.

Keri Hilson releases Promo DVD Art.

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Girl, boom.

In stores at your local Radio Shack, Pet Smart, Sears, Rainbow Clothing, and Quick-E-Mart.

Drake Releases New Album Art for “Thank Me Later”

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Being the album whore that he is, pillow-rapper and Lil’ Wayne’s ex-boo, Drake releases a special holiday edition of his album “Thank Me Later.” I am not quite sure if there will be any new material on the album, but word on the street is that Drake is collaborating with Mr. Carter and Trina on a song that samples a black man saying “I fucked me a white bitch in my friend’s living room.”

So far, Drake has pushed 1.1 million copies of his debut album. Now, if we can push those eyebrows.

Nivea, Toya Carter, and Lauren London Reveal New Album Artwork

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I’m interested in hearing what this album sounds like. I know that Toya doesn’t have much of a vocal prowess, but sonically, I suppose that this album will be filled with nothing but autotune and gospel runs from Nivea. Do you have any expectations for the upcoming album? Let’s hear ‘em.

Don’t never say I ain’t gave you nothing for free.

Ciara + Lady Gaga Release Album Covers

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Ciara finally got a track listing for “Basic Instinct.” Where that release date, doe?

Lady Gaga is coming out with a new album, too. Nice.

Why Must I Care?

As I was walking through the door of my apartment, my suitemate stopped me to tell me about something happening with North and South Korea. Now, I don’t want to sound like an asshole (And, I really don’t care if I sound like an asshole.), but I didn’t care enough about what was going on in another country simply because our country’s already screwed up enough. On top of that, I had 15 minutes to get all the way from Clairmont to the Calloway building without being late. What was more important: listening to what’s going on in Korea or getting to class on time? Common sense would tell you that I chose neither options and decided to spend 20 minutes in Cox Hall eating a chicken biscuit and sipping over-priced Minute Maid orange juice.

 

Seriously, though, I know that a country may be destroyed, but as a college student, how much am I supposed to care? In between procrastinating on schoolwork and stalking people’s Facebook pages, I have no time to brush up on the status quo of America’s international relations. I’d much prefer to look at my timeline on Twitter, reading about one of my followers vouging in her room to no music because she just smoked some “bomb ass weed.”

 

“You need to know about what’s going on in the world.” Girl, boom. I need to know what’s going on in my world and in the lives of the Real Housewives of Fulton County. My world consists of arriving late to class, sleeping, snatching wigs, stepping on the backs of people’s shoes when they walk too slow, taking extremely long showers because I hate the word “sustainability” (It sounds like a Cambodian shampoo.), and caring about things that directly affect me. But, I am sensitive to things that don’t directly affect me, too. I’m not completely heartless. But, I do get tickled at the thought of fat people toppling over into the street, acting as a speed bump for the Cliff Shuttles.

 

Back to the situation in Korea! A major city could possibly be destroyed because people want to act like little kids. I really wish countries would do like my grandmother should do: mind your business. If you mind your business and work to uplift one those around you, then everything would be fine. That’s easier said than done, however, it’s my solution to everything. Are you and your best friend still fighting over that cute girl you met at the party last week? Mind your business. She has herpes anyway, and one of you didn’t use a condom. You don’t like Baby Phat jeans? Mind your business. You’re not wearing them, so be happy that God blessed you with a Platinum Fubu shirt, Dickie’s shorts, and converse heels.

 

Am I that bad of a person for not giving two middle fingers about what happened in Korea? Probably so, but I’m too busy minding my business, listening to Keri Hilson sing Beyoncé’s leftover tracks that she offered to Kelly Rowland, and laughing at your lazy eye in your Facebook profile picture. While you’re sitting around debating about America’s next move in the situation between North and South Korea, I’m minding my business, wondering how flexible Nicki Minaj’s camel toe has to be in order for it to come in contact with a man’s sideburns.

 

I’m sure you’re probably sitting here thinking that I’m insensitive or ignorant, and I don’t blame you. I, too, would think that someone is ignorant for having little—if any—compassion for a situation between two country’s completely capable of resolving issues between one another without beating each other’s asses, eighth grade bus stop style.

 

 

Welcome To The Sweaty Black Club/5 Types of People In The Club

This blog post was not written by me. You may follow the author of this post on Twitter by clicking here. You may also submit your own entries to be posted on my blog by e-mailing me at shugaverypee@gmail.com.

I wouldn’t classify myself as a “club kid.” I used to go clubbing all the time back when my fake ID was the coolest shit I owned, but I stopped out of the blue. I went out to the club last night  and it hit me like a sledgehammer to the face why I quit fucking with “danceries”: the people who club on a regular basis are some of the most ludicrous characters on the face of the planet.

Don’t get it twisted: the club I went to was in Buckhead, an extremely classy area of Atlanta… but I went on a Monday night. In order to clarify for those who aren’t well-versed in nightlife code: if you are at the club on a Sunday-Wednesday, you are (a) someone whose job is to network, (b) unemployed and irresponsible, (c) “famous” (._.) or (d) an “underground economy businessperson.” (read: crack dealer)

As a member of the Associated Press of Niggashit, Coon Antics, and Buffoonery, I felt it was my personal responsibility to immediately report what all I had witnessed because chile?! Just clutch your pearls and hold onto your virginities, kids…

1. LAME-ASS WALLPAPER NIGGAS

I don’t know if white people do this, but especially at black clubs, there is always an excessive number of niggas that lean against the wall and spend the entire night molesting their Blackberries. You’ll never see them dance because “that shit’s gay.” My personal belief is, if all you wanna do all night is BBM people about the club you’re not enjoying being at, don’t come. These guys also like to play grab-ass as you walk by and then look at you like you asked to be felt up. Dude, I have enough on my plate trying to keep my date from finger-fucking me to B.O.B., I don’t need this added stress.

2. DOLLAR TREE DOPE BOYS

Everyone knows these guys. We grew up with them. They were like this in middle school. They shop at DTLR and Manhattan and other “urban wear” stores at Gwinnett Place Mall. Their jewelry is surgical steel and glass. Their rent money goes to shoes and shape-ups and if you go back to their apartment, they have no living room furniture. But try and tell this type of guy he’s not the shit. Their favorite dancefloor pasttime is to watch you while you dance with your date and give you a look like, “The fuck you doing with him? You should be sucking my dick right now.” It should surprise no one that this guy is usually one of the more attractive ones in the club, even though he’s fraudulent like colored contacts. *sigh*

3. BIG GIRLS WITH NO GODDAMN SHAME

I love curvy girls. I think they’re beautiful, I really do. But I just have one thing to say…

YOU CAN’T GET AWAY WITH THE SHIT SKINNY GIRLS DO, SO STOP FUCKING MAKING AN ASS OUT OF YOURSELF!

I saw so many 48645QQ breasts being choked in C-cup bras and denim-spandex blend jeans begging Jesus to take the wheel, I thought I was going to die. Girl, what the fuck is going on with your clothing? You look like you’re in some sort of Disney movie mishap where shit no longer fits you and now you have to find some way to live a regular life. I know it isn’t fair that size 2 girls get to wear all the cute shit, but that’s life. It doesn’t mean you get to embarrass yourself and everyone near you. Get yourself to the nearest Torrid or Jones New York or wherever RESPONSIBLE members of Team Chunk tend to shop and reevaluate your closet.

4. LONELY, ORDINARY PEOPLE

Some of the funniest individuals I saw last night were the people who came by themselves to “just dance.” I really need this lie to go somewhere and kill itself. If you want to “just dance,” turn on the radio and pop, lock, and drop it in your basement. The only sensible reason to come to the club is to show out and get noticed. I saw this one girl dancing by herself… it was a low-down, dirty shame. She kept making eye contact with people and grinning and shit and I’m pretty sure everyone around her was doing the same thing I was: pondering what could be so wrong with this girl that she couldn’t find a SINGLE friend to accompany her to this club. (It was $20 for VIP, even your broke-ass friend with the Dodge Neon and the Rocawear purse could afford to come.)

Her male counterpart was even more tragic. He was a skinny black guy who looked like he paid his rent by doing commentary for VH1 flashback shows. He dressed like Pharrell if Pharrell’s clothing budget was fifty dollars in Wal-Mart gift cards and no matter WHAT song was playing, this guy was doing the dougie. He could be dancing with a female or by himself, that nigga was doing the dougie. It could be Usher, Jay-Z, Soulja Boy on… doing the dougie. THE ENTIRE TIME I WAS THERE, I didn’t hear a single song I felt I could comfortably dougie to, but that nigga stayed shimmying.

Which brings me to…

YO, DID YOU LEARN HOW TO DANCE FROM “DARRIN’S DANCE GROOVES?”

I saw so many dancefails, it’s hard to address them all. There was the awkwardly-dressed Asian girl who did some sort of cerebral palsy A-town stomp. There was the guy who was doing the 1,2 Step and the Matrix at the same time. There were the girls with no ass trying to do the “uh-oh.” There were the guys standing on the wall getting twerked on and HAVING CONVERSATIONS WITH OTHER DUDES GETTING TWERKED ON. First of all, that shit is gay. Pay attention to the ass in your lap, not the dude next to you. Second of all, ladies? If you’re going to pussy pop with that much energy and verve, get some sort of compensation that isn’t in liquid form. (Take that as you see fit. O_o)

And finally, my personal favorite…

5. THE BASIC BITCH BRIGADE

Anyone who goes anywhere in Atlanta can spot a member of the Basic Bitch Brigade from a mile away. #teamgirlbye is renowned for making jokes about broads shopping here and here and God forbid, even here, but they do exist. I saw people in Angels jeans and t-shirts like “Your Man Licks My Ass for a Living.” Girls had dressed themselves in fabrics that could only be described as dermatological abominations. Feet were weeping in unison because these unfeeling bitches put them in cheap-ass contraptions from here. People were wearing jewelry that looked like it was crafted from street rocks, pine needles, and hope. There were crooked weaves and famished wigs galore.

And it’s always these bitches that want to mean-mug you if you so much as breathe near them. I just pray for them. Not everyone was blessed with the ability to match and coordinate.

In closing…

I really need my colored brethren to step their motherfuckng game up and abide by some basic social rules. For instance: don’t smoke weed at the club, it’s disgusting. If you want a man to buy you drinks, come with cute friends. Don’t flirt with the DJ because he’s “famous,” trust me, these niggas are lame-ass nobodies in regular life. If you’re a card-carrying member of Size Sexy (*snickers* lemme stop…), your mirror and some brutal honesty are your shepherds through the valley of shade. Trust in them for they shall not lead you astray.

In the words of my partner in fuckery-frontline reporting, @ShugAveryPee, “don’t never say I ain’t give y’all nothing for free.”

–@girlyousoextra

Tyler Perry’s Email to Aaron McGruder

Click the photo to enlarge the e-mail. Tyler Perry did not write this, though.

Don’t say I ain’t never gave y’all nothing for free.

Interview with Comedian Trinity Newman

If you haven’t seen this video, then you haven’t lived your life the right way! Trinity Newman is a popular Youtube V-Logger, but unlike the millions of other Youtubers, she has a lot of talent and humor. Watch her Kat Stacks parody video below and check out the interview below.

You are such a popular person on Youtube. Have any strangers approached you, in person, about your videos?

Not really. Every once in a while I’ll have someone say, “Heyyyy sucka mutha luva!!! I seen your video!” It is starting to happen more often than before. =)

Where do you get your inspiration from?

Honestly, life. I love to take what life throws at me and make it comical.

I saw you dancing in a video about the BET Awards. You have a lot of rhythm! Are you going to do any video remixes anytime soon?

Mmm, I hadn’t thought about doing remixes. I said at the beginning I’d do a lot of dance videos but I haven’t done it just yet. Ha.

You graduated from the University of Houston, a prestigious research institution. How was your undergrad?

Undergrad was cool. Some of my classes were fairly large so I had to make sure to stay focused because it is very easy to lose yourself in college.

I also read that you impressed Tasha Smith with your acting skills. How did you feel being in front of a seasoned actress such as Ms. Smith?

It felt really good to hear her say that to me. I’ve heard it several times before but I never took it serious until she said it.

You’re going into stand-up comedy. Have you met any popular comedians? Kat Williams? Sommore?

I’ve met several popular comedians from Mike Epps, Chris Spencer, Marlon Wayans and several others.

What would you say is your greatest accomplishment?

Moving to LA and actually surviving. It was definitely a tough move.

What’s your favorite Youtube video that you have created?

Mmm that’s a good question! I love my birthday video and my video about funky people… no wait, empty clubs… wait, LaTijera? LOL I like them all! =)

What can we expect from you in the future? Any good projects under wraps?

I have several things that are bubbling that will soon be ready to explode. For now, we’ll just tell everyone to stay tuned. =)

Thank you for interviewing with me Ms. Newman. It was a pleasure working with you.

Thank you for the opportunity!

Trinity Newman is a stand-up comedian and V-Logger on Youtube. You can check out more of Trinity’s videos at her Youtube account by clicking here. You may also view more about Trinity by visiting her official website, and you may contact her for booking information at the available website.